So far school has been pretty uneventful mostly related to almost probably 80% of the information I'm getting is the second time around which I don't mind as I want the best knowledge base going into this BSN education possible, which is set to start ramping up next semester.

We only have 3 clinical days this semester with actual patients and the rest of the learning is done in lab which I kind of like and detest at the same time, but one of those days is already finished. And I'm slightly freaking out about my care plan which is kind of silly and ridiculous at the same time. This isn't my first care plan in general, but it is differently styled than what I'm used to that's for sure. It's also for a teacher whose expectations I'm not quite sure about. But this week that is my major 'to do' and I'm even headed back to the hospital today to get more information and mind meld with my unit partner for that day and also to help her along since I possess extra information and I kind of feel it's one of my duties to impart knowledge.

My social life is as usual, totally fucked haha. Not going to harp or rant on the details but luckily where I'm lacking in some areas I have friends that make up for it in others thankfully.

Until next time, stay classy ;)

(Really on a Ron Burgundy kick with the sayings lately)

This is something I wrote on Google+ for someone else to see but because I'm going to actively try and blog harder here, even if it is only for myself and my sanity, it can be posted here as well.

I think I'm giving up and I'm not pleased with myself. I'm giving up because I spent pretty much my entire last relationship fighting for someone who wasn't fighting for me, and right now I'm the only person trying as you just gave up. And all I'm doing is fighting to give this a chance. Granted this isn't on the same scale but you neglected to even let me tell you this and instead iced me out because you don't believe in you (or another reason you just won't tell me). That's fine, but I'm trying to tell you that I believe in you and I want you in my life, but even with me saying this you have to decide if you want me in your life and right now it doesn't appear you do. You've probably noticed we're no longer Facebook friends because I don't want the glimpse into the life I'm not being allowed into nor do I want to share about mine with someone who isn't interested in it.

I don't want you to think of me fondly and smile from time to time because I actually want you to be around to be smiling directly because of me. Someone needs to laugh at the moments where I'm too clumsy for words or when something brilliant pops out of my mouth that no one was expecting, including me. To watch stupid movies such as Old School together and laugh until we cry, and after we're done to wipe away those tears. To share the moments I'm going to inevitably have as I continue on with school. To be there when I'm finally done and taking that next set of nursing boards and I'm so stressed out of my mind and to try and get me calmed down (you did more than you thought for me even though we weren't physically in the same room).

I really wanted to come down and confront you in person but it's not going to work out with the schedule I'm keeping with school, work, and the financial obligations I've already got myself into. Maybe someday our paths will cross again but for now if you won't answer my texts there's nothing more for me to say other than this: I wish you well in whatever you continue to do in life. I won't say goodbye because that's packed with too much finality for me, so until another time...

I'm not going to go into any detail regarding the whole situation since I really, really, really just needed to get this out there.

Saw this first over on: Sweet November and figured I'd give it a whack.

A. Age: 22

B. Bed size: Queen

C. Chore you hate: Mowing the lawn

D. Dogs: 4: 1 Jack Russell (Willy), 2 Chihuahuas (Grizz and Cooper), and 1 Pomeranian (Riley)

E. Essential start to your day: A shower usually

F. Favorite color: Blue

G. Gold or silver: Silver

H. Height: 5'5"

I. Instruments you play: None

J. Job title: Nursing student

K. Kids: None

L. Live: Montana

M. Maiden name: Fisher

N. Nicknames: Courtz, Cfish

O. Overnight hospital stays: When I was born

P. Pet peeve: Dishonesty mostly, but there are more than enough

Q. Quote: My main one - "Be nice, I could be your nurse someday"

R. Righty or lefty: Righty

S. Siblings: None

T. Time you wake up: Summer hours so 11:30-12:30. Once school starts we're looking at 6:30 a.m. instead

U. University attended: Flathead Valley Community College, University of Montana, and Montana State University

V. Vegetables you dislike: Onions and peppers mostly, but I'm slowly introducing them into my diet

W. What makes you run late: Sleeping late

X. X-rays you’ve had: Dental most recently

Y. Yummy food: Mashed potatoes and Chinese food. I could eat Chinese almost every day

Z. Zoo animal favorite: Giraffes, Hippos, and Penguins

I know I shouldn't be nervous about starting into my BSN degree, I mean according to the state of Montana I am a licensed practical nurse right about now. I mean I have a copy of my license in my room right now. I successfully completed an LPN program, took my NCLEX-PN, and drove the 4 hours home fretting about whether I passed only to be told 3 hours in by my Mom who I had camped out on the MT State Board of Nursing page awaiting the addition of my name. All of this should mean that I shouldn't feel any pressure continuing on in my education as I've gotten a head start on others in regards to medications, medication administration, medication rights, etc...

Granted I'm still behind when it comes to direct patient care. I'm not a CNA and even with my previous education I didn't do too much of it, but as an RN I know I will need to be more proficient. At least I know an area where I need improvement.

I'm not excited to move for a semester back to the city that I hate. I am excited after that semester to move to a city 8 hours away from my parents and move in with my Mom's brother and sister and live there for 2 years until I'm done. My parents and I have an interesting relationship, so it will be nice for the first time to actually be living apart from them.

All in all I think I'm the one who's overanalyzing and letting this get to me.

School starts August 29th. I'm still waiting on the information to tell me what books we need and blah blah blah and maybe that's what's making me nervous.

Say it with me now: 5 semesters left.

Sometimes I think I like writing here because for the vast majority no one is going to see it but me so the judging is to a minimum; and given the fact I'm not an English major I can right however crappy I want.

Livejournal and I used to be friends, but it's more accessible to people I don't want reading any thoughts I have frankly. I feel like I think I'm overly self-important to even think those people would still care, but you never know.

I found this image on Tumblr yesterday and it just "speaks" to me or some shit. I am the kind of person that will just never say something and never say something until one day it's just a festering wound and it just comes out. I've been that way since I can remember and it's been a hard habit to break. I try using different outlets such as Tumblr where at least you can reblog something that you're thinking/feeling without actually having to say it yourself.

I only really attempt to blog anymore for me since it's not like I'm doing much with my life that I can share. Well I guess that's incorrect in some ways. I am a BSN student but I try to not let that define me. Plus it's not like I can say all that much about it so far since my "real" nursing classes start this fall.

Blah, blah, blah. I feel like I'm not really writing anything of consequence but at almost 2 am where I'm only writing because I can't sleep what did I expect?

And now I'm going to go somewhere else other than here.

Dear Internet,

I passed my NCLEX-PN.

That is all.

-Courtney

One could say that I fell off my Blogger wagon and they'd be right, I did fall off, but not without good reasons. I just devoted a year of my life to an associate's college degree that will serve me well, but I'm nowhere near done with the bachelor's degree I just started that will serve me even better.

I could tell you that school took over my life but that would be a lie. I had plenty of free time that I spent doing things other than reading and my homework, which I should have been doing. I've never been a writer. I will never be an English major or an author of any kind just because it's not my thing, so I was never very motivated to write, nor did anything really interesting happen to me since I started this blog.

I do imagine as I continue on with my BSN degree more interesting things will happen to me. I am scheduled to take my NCLEX-PN next Monday and I'm freaking out a little inside.