Just needed to get it out there.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

This is something I wrote on Google+ for someone else to see but because I'm going to actively try and blog harder here, even if it is only for myself and my sanity, it can be posted here as well.

I think I'm giving up and I'm not pleased with myself. I'm giving up because I spent pretty much my entire last relationship fighting for someone who wasn't fighting for me, and right now I'm the only person trying as you just gave up. And all I'm doing is fighting to give this a chance. Granted this isn't on the same scale but you neglected to even let me tell you this and instead iced me out because you don't believe in you (or another reason you just won't tell me). That's fine, but I'm trying to tell you that I believe in you and I want you in my life, but even with me saying this you have to decide if you want me in your life and right now it doesn't appear you do. You've probably noticed we're no longer Facebook friends because I don't want the glimpse into the life I'm not being allowed into nor do I want to share about mine with someone who isn't interested in it.

I don't want you to think of me fondly and smile from time to time because I actually want you to be around to be smiling directly because of me. Someone needs to laugh at the moments where I'm too clumsy for words or when something brilliant pops out of my mouth that no one was expecting, including me. To watch stupid movies such as Old School together and laugh until we cry, and after we're done to wipe away those tears. To share the moments I'm going to inevitably have as I continue on with school. To be there when I'm finally done and taking that next set of nursing boards and I'm so stressed out of my mind and to try and get me calmed down (you did more than you thought for me even though we weren't physically in the same room).

I really wanted to come down and confront you in person but it's not going to work out with the schedule I'm keeping with school, work, and the financial obligations I've already got myself into. Maybe someday our paths will cross again but for now if you won't answer my texts there's nothing more for me to say other than this: I wish you well in whatever you continue to do in life. I won't say goodbye because that's packed with too much finality for me, so until another time...

I'm not going to go into any detail regarding the whole situation since I really, really, really just needed to get this out there.


Post a Comment