Change.

I've been trying to read 'Prince of Thieves' by Chuck Hogan now for a while, but I've been so busy that it always seems to fall by the wayside. 'Prince of Thieves' if you didn't know is the book upon which the movie 'The Town' is based upon. Now the movie version of this story was just fucking amazing, I loved almost every minute of it when I went and saw it at theaters, and I even have already pre-ordered it on Amazon for next month that's how amazing it was to me.

Moving on though, there was a part in chapter 6 aptly named 'The Sponsor' in which Doug's sponsor Frank G. tells him, "Fine good. We got a problem here, let's address it.' Frank G.'s hands grappled with the air. 'You don't seem to realize that you are your friends. That's who you are--the people you attract, who you keep around you. Now, I'm a part of you right? Just a little taste, maybe--lucky dog, you. A bigger part is this goddamn cancer tumor part, I'm talking about your knucklehead friends."

This part spoke to most though because of what has been going on in my life in the last 6 months, basically a friendship overhaul of epic proportions has been going on. Right now there are only two friends that I still talk to that I've known for more than 5 years. I basically tried to wipe out every friend I had that was bad for me. The ones who start the drama and then accuse you of being the drama maker. The ones who are flakes. The ones who treat you like shit when you were their only good friend. Basically this amounted to two people who I've known for 5 years, both of them managed to ruin friendships with very little effort. One friend all it took was a sentence and I was done. The other took longer because it took longer to see the emergent pattern that began happening. This friend decided she would become buddy-buddy with my ex-boyfriend, someone she detested when we dated, so I find this hypocritical. I also find it hypocritical for them to call me the drama monger, when I'm not the one who had a life full of drama, was not the one who had mental issues or committment issues, was not the molsestee who never got counseling, was not a former drug addict, was not an alcoholic, was not the one who let people walk all over them and complained, was not the one who put up with peoples bullshit, was not the rumor spreader, nor was I the cheater in my relationship, was not the horrible friend, or the mama's boy, or the pathological liar, etc...

I had another good friend in there I just grew apart with, she was good with advice for me, but I absolutely detest people who ask for you advice and never take it, quit wasting my time. Because of my future profession I can no longer consciously support bad habits, especially those I know to be dangerous such as mixing pills and alcohol. I'm sorry some people just can't understand this, but I will not watch people destroy themselves, especially by mixing mental illness medication with alcohol when it's inadvisable and you've been told before that it's not a good habit. If you feel the need to do this to your life, you feel the need to do it without me.

I am now trying to live my life with a little more transparency, which mostly means I keep the number of friends I have down. This change also stems from what I'm trying to do in my life. I'm currently enrolled in a licensed practical nursing program until May 2011 when I will graduate and hopefully take and pass my NCLEX-PN, then in June 2011 I'm moving to Billings to start in on my registered nursing bachelors program. I have no time for people now, especially those who cannot decide whether they're going to be a decent person today or a shit sack.

I want a life where the only complications I'm encountering will be in the patients I will be caring for. I'm not a nurse for my friends, I'm a nurse because I want to help people who need my help and that actually want my help.